Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
