Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
