Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
