I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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