I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
