Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
