you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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