i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I party with great urgency now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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