somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
