I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
