I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
