Don't make out with my wife yet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
