Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
