Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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