how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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