You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
