How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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