I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
