The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
