i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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