So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
