I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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