His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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