I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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