your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My vagina just clenched in fear
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
