Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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