Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
