Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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