Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
