Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
