we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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