I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
