anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
