we have officially lost it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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