wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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