I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
