I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
