I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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