So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
