I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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