I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
