i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
