Non-Jews are for practice
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
