"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
