I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
