she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
