your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
