OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
