the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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