shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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