Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
