Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
