Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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