So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
