I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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