they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
